Middle son’s birthday.
Hiding.
The Pretender non-stop. Thought it was the last season and let myself…
No, wasn’t the last…
Turned blind eye to obviously unacceptable scenes… Justifying that it is, on the whole, much more positive than, say, the Blacklist or 24…
Told myself that allowing self to watch all morning would leave me full of energy for prepping dinner tonight…
So far, looks like eye strain (from the All Words Up game and wind-carried allergens might be my next excuse.
…
Don’t know what is medicine and what is attitude. Husband suggested I pull up a chair while he looked at daughter’s car…
My mental response was, “What?… Sit there and sit, go crazy with nothing to do?!”… No, bringing out beadwork didn’t sound good… perhaps because I have been so sedentary?
…
There are things I wish I could write and express that I am just trained/trained myself?… to not put on paper.
I guess the question is, is expressing my thoughts good, even if they are bad/private thoughts? Or, like the secret combinations of old, are some emotions just meant to be suppressed and hopefully washed away in Christ?
…
A couple of things that have come up lately…
Young woman from church needing to find a babysitter for her little girl…
I mentioned to husband that, maybe, I could do it part time, but he pretty much said I’d just quit it like I do everything else….
I had convinced myself that, perhaps, since I feel close to the family, and since I don’t have any little ones vying for attention, I might be alright…
But, then, I had to admit that I really do tend to cancel most of my commitments…
I just wish he had a higher opinion of me than I have of myself, I guess.
lookatmeandfeelbetter 
Hm. There may be no harm in attempting the babysitting anyway. It could be a wonderful thing for you. I don’t know. Only you would know best. 🙂