The first actual drawing I’ve done in quite some time now. His 21st birthday. No gift to offer, so rushed to have some token to show my love. Should be better, but the pressure was the only thing to get me to even attempt it, and the low quality paper insurance that I won’t obsess on it later…
Fitful dreams, irritable, doubting thoughts about self… Laziness, counted t.v. watching (Is this show even that good, that I continue to put my life on cruise to watch it?!)
Doubts about the Brintellix… those irritable feelings – probably the “energizing” effect… Isn’t there another, less negative way to feel ‘energized’?
Pimple/bug bite? alone the bottom edge of my eyebrow..
I can hear a repetitive bird.. and the ceiling fan sounds too fast – pushy… with a slight off-balance rattle…
..
A few moments of relief from the sun (heat)… it was coming back out and then, thankfully, covered back up by the clouds. Odd, because the patch of sky visible from here is all blue…
Not very patient… I think I’m just writing in order to be able to type in previous entries without losing the recent memories…
… 1:10 p.m.?
Nervous guilt. Whispers of self-recrimination….”You made them wait too long… you have neglected them and expect them to just forgive you because they have no life of their own!”
Responses of common sense…”Forgiving you doesn’t mean they have no life… it simply means that they either understand and identify, or it isn’t in their make-up to condemn…. Not everyone condemns……”
Guilt is still there. Guilt of having wasted hours, weeks, months of what I am told is precious time… with the full consciousness that the same behavior might well continue indefinitely….
The petulance of the intention to continue “getting away with it” until Heavenly Father shocks me awake with some miracle that will clear the goopy haze from my eyes and the perennial dissatisfaction with life from my bearing.
….
Journal entry from a few minutes ago:
Watching Disney cartoon, “Inside Out.” Have been watching T.V. episodes – finished The Pretender, and Body of Proof… Playing “Words Up” on the iPad at the same time…
Wanting to distract self.
Haven’t wanted to check email or WordPress – the few thoughts in that direction have been something about, If I don’t need the WordPress friends I am not unfaithful to my husband… Me not needing them means he is not failing me?
Interesting point to this cartoon. The star “needs” Sadness as much as she needs Joy…
My own thought process when deciding to go back on anti-depressants? Since Heavenly Father made it so that the 3 Nephites would not experience pain or sadness other than “for the sins of the world,” perhaps anti-depressants might help me function like them?
The question right now… The anti-depressants seem to be helping me not wish for annihilation very often, but I am still not finding any motivation for cleaning/decluttering/beautifying…
…
What an uplifting cartoon!
Integrating Human Relationships, Brain Science and Spirituality
Celebrate the sunrise, Toast the sunset and Enjoy everything in between!
(re)Living History, with occasional attempts at humor and the rare pot-luck subject. Sorry, it's BYOB. All I have is Hamm's.
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21st century lifestyle + self care
“Everyone who is seriously involved in the pursuit of science becomes convinced that some spirit is manifest in the laws of the universe, one that is vastly superior to that of man.” - Albert Einstein
Author, Editor, and Adventurer
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by Susanne Fletcher
travel and adventure
Life and travels of a native Texan.
Gain Long-term Freedom From Addiction
Roam & Home.
embracing madness
musings from a college kid
A collection of work by Daniel Saunders
By Tony Single
lookatmeandfeelbetter 